Whoever's Made Me Stupid Whatever's Made Me Stupid
by A Girl Named Truth
Summary: Never had words that had came from Vince’s mouth had made as much sense as that, ironically that was exactly what he felt around Vince in the last five days and it was gradually getting unbearable. Reviews are pure love! *ONESHOT*


**A/N:** Bad things happen when you have 'The Sex Has Made Me Stupid' and all the remixes on repeat. If you've never seen the artwork for the single then take a quick glance at it here (i112./albums/n175/DoriansMirror/thesex300.jpg) and then one of the jokes should make sense but other than that you should be fine. Italics are thoughts, mostly Howard's.

**Disclaimers:** The Mighty Boosh belongs to the mighty Barratt and Fielding. The lyrics belong to Robots In Disguise.

* * *

**Whoever's Made Me Stupid, Whatever's Made Me Stupid**

* * *

Vince was sat in his chair by the window, like always, completely bored out of his mind.

His eyes traced the raindrops as the slid down the glass, miserable day as per usual.

He had to get up and do something or he knew he'd go insane.

He turned his chair around and the first thing that caught his eye was the record rack full of Howard's jazzy cast-offs.

His eyes skimmed over the guy with the huge face's face, surprisingly that still hadn't sold.

_It's all about presentation you see._

Vince thought to himself and got up, deciding he was gonna re-arrange them a bit.

_He's got it all wrong putting some big-faced freak in the front, that's no way to advertise._

Vince dragged a few Mingus LP's out from the second row, they were a bit better at least. He idly spreading them over the first row when he found himself looking at not a jazz record but a electro one.

Surely Howard hasn't sprouted some decent taste, had he?

Vince flipped the record over and saw his name etched on the back in biro. A trick he'd started using since Leroy had nicked half his collection then tried to convince him to buy them back off him.

Vince rolled his eyes "That bugger!"

"Oi Howard…" Vince shouted up the stairs, not really caring that he was interrupting a midmorning jazz trance, a vital part of Howard's working day. Surprisingly enough he got no reply,

"Howard…Howard…Oi Howard…" Vince rolled his eyes and stomped up the stairs.

The expected wail of a trumpet greeted him as he made his way to Howard's room.

He flung open the door and slapped Howard much more lightly than he would have liked too.

Howard nonetheless jumped like a startled kitten.

"What have I told you about slapping me whilst I'm in a jazz trance" Howard frowned at him.

"To be honest I really couldn't give a shit, what do you think you're doing trying to flog my records?"

"Ermm, I wasn't aware I was?" Howard looked a heartbreaking mixture of hurt and confused, again coming off kittenish. Vince could feel his anger melt away slightly but he still waved the offending record under Howard's nose.

"What in the name of all things alphabetized is that?"

"That's my, emphasis on the my, Robots In Disguise's The Sex Has Made Me Stupid Maxi Single…with all five remixes and everything!"

"It looks more like the other half of Tony Harrison" Howard smiled to himself.

"Leave off! This is one of the best records I own" Vince pouted.

"Then why didn't you realise it was missing?"

"Ermmm" Vince was a bit defeated by that because after all he hadn't noticed. "I thought I'd lent it to Leroy?"

There was a long pause where the anger had burnt out in Vince and Howard couldn't think of why that electronic excuse for a music compilation had been down in the shop leaving them both kinda awkward.

"So, err, is that what happened to you then?" Howard smiled nervously.

"What happened to me?" Vince said looking up from the bit of carpet that he'd been looking at.

Howard held up the record and drew a line under the title with his finger.

"Hey! I'm not stupid!" Vince defended himself, smile playing on his lips coz he knew it was a joke.

"Vince, yesterday you asked me why onions cry when you cut them"

"An easy mistake to make" Vince laughed "I mean if you were an innocent vegetable, quite happily living your life until someone came a long and sliced you up and put you in a Shepard's pie wouldn't you be a bit emotional?"

"I'm sure I'd be devastated"

"There you go, that's why people cry while cutting up onions, it's the empathy, gets you every time. Actually, I'd feel more for the poor shepards" Vince realised.

"And my point is proved, thank you sir."

"Why? What did I say? Anyways I don't have that much sex either" He had lost the stupid argument apparently so he thought he'd move on to the other hurtful end of the accusation.

"Oh come on, since we've moved here you've gone form being Mowgli in flairs to Casanova in flairs"

"I have not! I haven't had a girl in the flat since your party"

_Oh god, don't bring that up, I'm trying to forget that, trying to forget the gift you gave me, trying to forget what I feel for you._

_But it was true that he hadn't brought anyone back since then though to be honest…_

"That was five days ago" Howard pointed out.

"Fair point" Vince shrugged, giving in because he couldn't think of a way out of it.

"I think these Robots Disguised-"

"-Robots In Disguise" Vince interrupted.

"-yeah, I think they're on to something, sex really does make you stupid" Howard looked Vince up and down, smiling from ear to ear at having won the battle.

"That why your so clever then?" Vince smile lighting up his face for the fist time this morning

"Oh, low blow…very low blow"

Howard was only joking but Vince didn't know that and thought he'd genuinely overstepped the mark.

"Sorry mate…I'm sure you get stupider when the times right"

_Not that I wouldn't mind you making me a bit less smart…_

Vince attempted to smile reassuringly and it seemed to do the trick coz Howard brightened up a bit.

"So what's so special about this song then?" Howard asked changing the subject.

"It's genius! It's these two girls musically summing up that feeling you get where you are so full of lust that nothing but sex has a point to it and you'd do anything to get it."

Howard's mind was starting to steam up like a mirror in a shower. Never had words that had came from Vince's mouth had made as much sense as that, ironically that was exactly what he felt around Vince for the last five days and it was gradually getting unbearable.

"I mean, get these lyrics right: _'when he's up against the wall, another act of aggression, I want you on the floor, get down, go!'_ Can you imagine wanting someone so badly that you could just chuck them down and shag them there and then"

Howard surprisingly could imagine that and rather against his will he was imagining it right now. Vince however was oblivious to Howard's slightly flushed face and more obvious signs of just how arousing his words were and continued with his ramble.

"…actually that just sums up what I'm like when I-"

Howard couldn't take it anymore and grabbed Vince and kissed him, not like on the roof either, a proper kiss full of pent up passion.

To Howard's surprise the kiss was returned rather eagerly and it was a fair few minutes before Vince pulled away with a more than slightly confused look on his face.

"Howard, what's got into you?"

"The Sex Has Made Me Stupid" Howard grinned.

"Really? What happened to the timing was off and it was a momentary lapse?" Vince said looking a bit sulky at the memory.

"Yeah well you'd just gone on about how it was just a kiss, I didn't know you we're gonna turn around and change your mind as soon as we got on that bouncy castle and if you'll still have me then you've still flicked my switch"

"I did say I'll never love again, didn't I?

"Does that mean.."

"That we're about to get a bit more stupid? Hell yeah"


End file.
